My World Is Full With You

It's already 1:23 AM in the morning, and I can't sleep. Well, I had a big fight with my boyfriend, so I don't know whatelse I suppose to do. I can't sleep either. I just.. Sad. That's all.

Yesterdays was our 6th month anniversary, but 6 months weren't as sweet as it tasted. Coz if it was, I wouldn't be sitting here in front of my computer bursting into tears. Now I'm introspecting myself. How many mistakes have I made upon him. Many. Yeah, many.

Relationship is not easy. Really, it isn't. Even the smoothest, like mine. It's all about each other's feelings, etc. etc. I love him, yes, of course. But at the same time, I have my own past, and my humanity of mistakes.

Some people might be proud of having themselves being in many relationships. They tend to think, the more they have exes, the more popular they are. Like me, I admid I have many exes. But it doesn't came up with pride that I'm happy with that fact.

The more u love someone and then u lost him, then the more pain u felt in ur heart. Everybody knows that. So why do you love someone, when u knew the chances he'd make u happy would be 50/50 with the chances he'd hurt u.

My personal answer, bcos I want to love and beloved. Maybe it's my mistake too, that I didn't took relationship as a serious thing. I mean, I am serious in what I'm doing, but at the first thing when I decided to built a relationship, I didn't think 'what if this time turn out to be worst than last time?'.

So I recall my memories, when did these things started to happened. About 2 weeks ago, when I found out he was lying, I should have known that our relationship wouldn't be the same. Not 100% at least. And it is. It's not the same at all.

Maybe I was too hard to him, that I didn't 'respect' him the way he should be respected. And I feel pity to myself, regret is always late. I am really sorry for that. And for him, who read this post.. I just want u to know I didn't meant the whole "jayus joking" thing. I was just pissed off, coz u were offencing me with ur feelings towards her.

I know I'm no saint, but what made my mistakes were my pasts. I didn't do anything harmful when I'm with you. For that instance, I ask a lil bit of your tolerant. To built this relationship again, without our pasts.

Or I might be dreaming. Hehe. I'm not sure he would ever talk to me again.

Untuk Kamu

I never thought I would be in the same place as yesterdays. When someone you love and trust very much, lied to you. Not for the first time, but few times. I thought I would never be lied again. I thought those times would never come to face me again.

But it's okay, it's not the first time for me. I've got used to it, and guess what? This time, it wouldn't be full of tears as yesterday. I've got used being left, afterall.

However, he's not perfect. Nobody is perfect. He's very kind to me, very caring, very forgiving, very generous, and all. But it all have been paid back for what I feel now. Are we even now? I don't know. He really has to know that trust is invalueable.